Getting Close To Jealousy
by Jiang Qing
Summary: A series of flashbacks from the life of Petunia Evans and how she became the magic-hating muggle she is. To be posted in two parts.


I

_She threw her head back at the sky, screaming at the whirlpool of clouded shadows. The rain pelted itself at her, ravaging the girl's bony face and reducing her blond hair to sodden rat's tails. Her scrawny hand kept flinging strands out of her eyes, which were pale blue, tired and damaged. Her body seemed so fragile that it appeared one strong gust of wind would cause it to shatter; she appeared malnourished, her light frame not becoming but frightening. _

"What am I here for? What is the point?" Her voice tore and slashed into the darkness, emitted with such force that they were almost indiscernible. The hands once again flew to her head and started tearing and clawing, as if she had completely lost control. She began to sway with the effort of standing upright, her face still fixed to the night's sky, the rain mingling with her tears and running down her face. She was shivering constantly now, a mixture of reaction to the cold and raw emotion. The fact that her questions weren't being answered seemed to antagonise her- fresh shrieks ripped at her throat, addressing no one in particular.

"_Why? Freaks! They're all _freaks!"_ As if the final drops of energy had been violently sapped from her, the girl collapsed to the floor and curled up into a ball and wept. A dark form appeared from the gloom and knelt by the wailing girl, face obscured by the night sky, yet the voice that issued was definitely male._

"_It'll be alright, Petunia I promise. It won't happen again."_

2

"Tuney! Tuney _look!" _Thirteen year old Petunia opened her eyes and glared at her younger sister, with an annoyed tolerance.

"What?" Using all her strength, as she noticed it was only nine o'clock on a _Saturday_ for goodness sake, she sat up. "What is it?"

Lily couldn't stop bouncing, her red hair wild with delight as it flew and landed, settling on her youthful shoulders. "Read it! Read it! Petunia, Sev was right!"

At the name 'Sev' Petunia's stomach gave a nasty little twist. That Severus Snape. That greasy, dirty little boy that took up all her sister's attention. If Tuney hadn't been brought up properly- and thank goodness she _had_- she wouldn't mind giving that 'Sev' a good hard slap. He was _weird._ Not for somebody like Lily to be trailing after.

"What?" Tuney tried to smile, although her hatred of Snape was filling her mind with poison. "What was the little clever-clogs right about this time?"

Lily was too excited to see the blatant jibe. "This!" She thrust a piece of paper into her sisters hand. No, not paper, it was far too thick and a creamy yellow colour. Parchment? Who wrote on parchment nowadays? Petunia glanced at the parchment without looking at it.

"So?"

Her younger sister clicked her tongue in annoyance. "Read it!"

Tuney gave a sigh, and allowed her eyes to scan over the parchment, expecting a prank. Trust someone to get her sister's hopes up. There was _no such thing_ _as magic._ Lily might be _special_ but that was just luck. It was the Snape boy, playing on her avid imagination. Wicked, wicked boy.

She noticed the broken seal on the envelope. Red wax, the usual, with a strange crest. Was that a badger? An eagle? A snake and a lion? Exactly what that Snape boy had said- the Houses. This was some elaborate trick… and too close for comfort.

"Go on Tuney! Read it!"

Pretending to sigh and roll her eyes for her sister's benefit, but secretly her heart was thudding so hard she could barely take breath, Petunia read the letter, then read it again, her thin hand gripping tightly on. She didn't know how, but she knew, _she knew,_ that this was no joke.

She pulled herself away from the letter and stared, dead eyed, at her younger sister. "How come I never got one?"

3

"It's true? All this you've been saying to us is _true?"_

"I told you so! Severus said so! I believe every word he says!"

That Severus Snape.

"But… I don't believe it! A school? There's a school for people with your kind of… talent?"

"More than one! Yes there's more than one, I'm sure of it!"

"I'm… we're…" There was a short pause, and Petunia imagined her parents clearly, wiping their eyes with shock and pride. "We're so _proud_ of you."

Her heart felt sliced open yet another time.

"Petunia! Come and hear your sister's news!"

"Oh no! She knows! There's no need…"

"Don't be so silly, dear. This is a wonderful thing! Petunia!"

She continued to stare up at the ceiling, and pretended later, when her father finally came upstairs to see why she wasn't responding, that she had merely been asleep and that she was secretly delighted.

4

She had been caught spying on them again. This time was worse than when _he_ had once made a tree branch fall on her, so much worse.

"_Who's spying now? What do you want?" _

"_What's that you're wearing anyway? Your mum's blouse?" _

She had always been inclined to be spiteful. That awful incident had been a couple of years ago, but where… that _boy_ was concerned, she turned straight back into that malicious, pain-filled child that still haunted her now. She remembered the letter she had sent, to this so called 'Dumbledore' that she never truly believed in until Lily got her letter. She had secretly believed it was that Snape boy who had sent it to her, got somebody else to write it so she didn't recognise his tiny script. Another reason to hate him, another reason to despise Lily for getting the _real _letter, the letter of acceptance. She, in the last month, had built a wall around herself, trying not to let it show that she couldn't and didn't love her sister anymore. But the wall, that morning had temporarily broke over breakfast. It had been the usual argument:

"_Petunia? Why aren't you eating? You look so thin! You look awful!"_

_She sat there, pushing her omelette around on her plate, trying and failing to look enthusiastic. "I am eating."_

"_But those bones! They're poking through- Lily!" Her Mother's voice changed from angry concern to a sudden delight. "I've made you breakfast and nobody's stolen it!"_

_Lily, already vibrant at ten, gave a cheeky little smile. "Well," she said, pulling back a chair. "I know _you_ wouldn't steal her little daughter's nourishment. And Tuney of course, never eats."_

"_No." Petunia's mother gazed at Lily, her face rapt with pleasure. "I suppose she doesn't." _

It had been that which had crushed the barrier, the usual breakfast time conversation that had happened too many times to count. _And Tuney of course, never eats. _It was stupid, but she felt… she felt like Lily had betrayed her.

She had followed her. Out of the house and down into the woods where she often met that Severus Snape. He was sitting in the usual clearing, his clothes not as odd as they had been before, due to Lily 'styling' him at their home a few weeks ago. She remembered locking herself in the bathroom the entire time he had been in the house, until his stupid, _silky_ voice had announced: "May I use your loo?"

She had heard Lily reply in the affirmative, and could hear his _ridiculous_ footsteps coming towards her hideout. She, to her horror, saw the handle of the door turn as he attempted to come in.

"Not in here! I'm here!"

She heard his low chuckle and wanted to fling open the door and hit him. He was far too smug and superior for a ten year old. "You've been in there for ages." His quiet, yet assertive voiced wormed it's way into the bathroom. "What's up 'Tuney'? Woman's problems?"

Furious she flung open the door and he was standing there, a sour smile on his face. Lily had done well, his new hair cut just emphasising his sharp cheekbones, jeans and t-shirt instead of his usual smock and trousers. He noticed her looking and gave a horrible grin. "What you looking at? Impressed?"

"No!" She hissed, livid at that _boy's_ outstanding cheek. "And-" she lowered her voice, eyes darting to notice if anybody else was coming their way. "I doubt if my sister is either."

Snape stepped back, his face going from pale to a slight green. "W-what did you say?"

"I've seen the way you look at her," Petunia said viciously, enjoying her moment in power. "Staring and _staring_. Well, she isn't interested in a- a _freak_ like you. She told me yesterday. She thinks you're _funny."_

The rage and hatred imprinted on his face seemed to takeover the entire hallway and for a second, Petunia was scared that another 'branch' incident would happen. Fearfully she stepped sideward, but he pushed past her, slamming the bathroom door behind his thin back. Breathing heavily, Petunia slipped downstairs without another word and watched television, the sound up on 'high'. That had been a close one, and she hoped she'd never see him again. Ever. The way he _stared_ at her sister… enough to make anyone's skin crawl. Well, she'd leave them to it. Until… until she was caught spying on them for the hundredth time.

The clearing. Him sitting cross legged, his hair long, unbecoming and still _greasy_. Lily, sitting beside him, their heads so close they were almost touching, vivid red against dirty black. She noticed, with some degree of satisfaction, that his face was paler than usual, his jeans filthy and t-shirt looking distinctly worse for wear. Then, with another stab of annoyance, she realised that Lily, her perfect, _wonderful_, younger sister didn't even _care._ There was no trace of disgust on her creamy face at all.

"We're- well me, Mum and Dad- are getting all my things tomorrow. You _are_ coming with us?"

Snape flushed, his thin face momentarily scarlet. "You want me to?"

"Yeah," Lily looked back at her friend, clearly amused. "Of course I do. That's why I asked."

He flushed again, even deeper, and Petunia could tell he was trying to conceal his gratitude. "Well… my mum…" he tailed of lamely as he caught sight of Lily's raised eyebrow. "My mum won't mind at all if I go with you."

Lily gave a beautiful grin, her green eyes sparkling. "You'd do anything for me wouldn't you?"

Petunia could see the repetition of 'anything' begin to form on the boy's lips, when suddenly his eyes, black as thunder, went sharp and began to shine maliciously. "Petunia's spying again. I thought she had finished that _years_ ago."

"What?" Lily turned her swan-like neck around, her face wrinkled with confusion. "But Tuney doesn't care… where is she? Tuney!"

Petunia turned from her hiding place and began to run, her feet making an obvious pounding against the forest floor. To her rage and horror she could hear that Snape boy laughing, silky chuckles that roared in her ears, and Lily's voice which cried- half heartedly- "Oh _don't_. She can't help it!"

5

It had been horrible saying goodbye. _Horrible_. She had made Lily cry, the day she left and wouldn't see again for a good few months. It had been disgusting of her sister to remind her of the letter. _Disgusting. _Yet… Petunia knew she shouldn't have called the sister she loved dearly a freak. It was just _him_ standing there, staring, next to his miserable hag of a mother. Him, he who had been sneaking around in her room looking for that _wretched _letter. She hated him, and knew it. She truly, truly hated him. Thirteen years old, and yet the acid of loathing had filled her to such an extent that she could barely breathe. He'd taken her sister away…

"Tuney… Tuney listen! When I get there I might be able to persuade Professor Dumbledore to change his mind!"

"_I-Don't-Want-To-Go!"_

The biggest lie, if there ever was one. And then having to watch them, together, boarding that beautiful… _despicable_… scarlet train, knowing that in only a few days time she would be starting Year Nine of her local comprehensive… it was too much to bear. Far too much.

It was going to kill her.

6

"Fancy a fag?" Petunia stared at the girl she had sat next to on the Secret Steps and wrinkled her nose.

"No thanks," she pointed her nose as high in the air as she could manage. "Cigarettes are _dirty _things."

"Suit yourself." The girl flicked her lighter with far too much expertise for fourteen, and lit the white stick that was in her mouth. "Hmmm. Better."

Petunia pointedly turned her head away, and pretended to study the growth of moss slowly growing and crawling it's way up the stone wall. Trust this place to be already occupied. Was it too much to ask to be alone for goodness sake? She sneak a glance at the girl next to her, whom she vaguely recognised to be in her year. She was dirty blond, with shaggy hair tied firmly into a messy bun. She was wearing the school uniform, but she looked so much more _casual _with her fat knot in her tie and skirt that showed off far too much leg. The brown eyes beneath the rough fringe were alive and sparkling- very sharp, and full of sarcasm, but no spite, no spite at all. Her features weren't beautiful but had a certain, round attractiveness, which boasted of adult nights out already. Quickly, Petunia turned to face the wall again. Wouldn't do to be caught looking.

"Say, you're awful thin." The girl, however, probably through sheer boredom, tried to start up a conversation. "You shouldn't be out 'ere. You should be eating a triple helping of lunch."

"I don't eat much."

"I'll say. I eat far too much. That's why I'm on these." Sure enough, the girl was plump but not fat. She could just about get away with being called voluptuous, rather than skinny. Petunia knew that 'skinny' was in, but boys liked 'voluptuous' too. "So why are you out here by yourself anyways?"

"Why are you?" Demanded Petunia, as quick as a flash. She noticed, to her discomfort, the girl roll her brown eyes slightly.

"I'm having a fag. Obviously. I usually bring a couple of mates, but they were out of and I don't like sharing."

"You just offered me one."

"Yeah." The girl, perceptibly fed up with how spiky Petunia was being, stared off into a corner. "I suppose I did."

The silence grew between them, Petunia wishing that she were alone. She had 'alone time' once a week, and was annoyed that she had to give it up. Any more than once a week and her friends would get all _concerned_ and _inquisitive_ with questions like 'where did you go' and 'what were you doing'. She loved her friends, obviously, but they weren't half _nosy. _Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.

"Jessika. With a 'K'. You?"

Petunia jumped. "Wha… oh. Petunia. With a P."

"Funny." Jessika rummaged in her bag and pulled out a packet of the so-called fags. "Here. Have one. I can't sit next to you being so _bloody_ miserable." She took one out of the cardboard.

"No!" Petunia flinched. "They're dirty and horrible and I don't _do_ stuff like that!" She still reached for it though. She still put it in her mouth. Jessika lit it.

"Better?"

It tasted awful. Foul and smoky and gross. Trying not to choke, she inhaled, the new dizzy feeling spreading throughout her entire body. Jessika smiled again.

"You feel better now?"

She did.

7

"You must tell us all about it! Your first entire year at Hogwarts! So, so proud. _How_ many points did you earn all together?" Petunia heard the door open and the happy voices float in, her parents obviously home from picking up her sister. Well, she had better go and greet her. Remembering the smouldering cigarette that was sneakily in between her fingers, Petunia stubbed it out on her windowsill and sidled downstairs her face a mask of misery. The summer holidays. Three times as long as any of the others. A whole six weeks.

"Tuney!" Her twelve-year-old sister flung herself at the fourteen year old. "How are you? And… oh Tuney! You stink! And you're still so thin!"

Petunia smiled at the look of barely concealed disgust on her sister's face. "So? I dyed my hair too."

"Yes." Lily looked at it thoughtfully. "I noticed it was blonder."

"So did I."

"Haha."

Tuney stared at Lily hard, but felt herself soften. Before she fully registered what she was doing she had stretched out her arms. "Give me a hug, then." Lily looked incredibly surprised but let herself be held. For a second, Petunia wanted to squeeze so tightly that she would crush her, but instead buried her face into Lily's red hair. "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

Petunia sniffed. "Like hell you did." She looked at her sister, a half spiteful smile on her lips. "Had a nice time then? You haven't changed much, considering what you've been mixing with. What house are you in again?"

"Gryffindor."

"The Lion one. Right. And… ahem… 'Sev' is in the Snake one right? Slipperin?"

"Slytherin."

"Even better. So I'm guessing you don't see him much. Not as great mates with him now, huh?"

Lily stared her older sister straight in the eye. "We're still best friends."

"Brilliant." A bitter grin enveloped Petunia's face. "When is he coming round? I want to know… I want a bit of warning."

Lily gave her a withering look, and pushed past her to follow her parents into the kitchen. The kitchen, and the entire house, had been carefully cleaned for Lily's arrival, and Petunia noticed, with much resentment, that her parent's had talked about little else but Lily's return for the past few weeks. Would she want flowers? A welcome home present? Should they arrange a special meal? What about that Snape boy? Was he coming over too? Ha. Over My Dead Body Petunia said. She was ignored. She sat at the table, back straight and dull blue eyes scanning the happy scene before her. Her mother, still hugging Lily, and Dad, chatting happily away about points, and broomsticks and wands and spells, almost like he was a wizard himself. He wished. Petunia, usually so sharp eared and nosy, though she was far less so since the cigarettes, allowed all the talk to wash over her. Well, that was that for the next month and a half. Lily, Lily, Lily. What else was to be expected?

The doorbell rang. "I'll get it!" Petunia leapt to her feet. Probably her grandparents, here to welcome Lily back from 'that special boarding school'. Well good luck to them. They never came to visit everyday when Petunia got in, did they? She severely doubted that they'd visit if _she_ were the one at boarding school either.

"Tuney! Don't!" Lily's voice could be heard down the hall, but it was too late. Petunia wrenched the door open and was face to face with none other than a twelve year old Severus Snape.

"You!"

"Me."

Petunia sneered. "You've just spent an entire year with her. Desperate to see her already? You truly are the saddest specimen…"

"Are you going to let me in?" His black eyes stared into hers, cold and startling. Petunia gulped but stared just as hard back, her bony face rigid.

"Don't feel like it."

"You really should be wiser about who you mess with…"

"Sev!" Lily, shoved Petunia out of the doorframe, and gave him a giant hug. "Your mum doesn't mind you coming around already?"

"No." His face was expressionless, and Petunia knew that he hadn't even asked her. Sniffing with scorn she gave him a long hard stare, and he stared furiously back, a sneaky arm clutching at Lily's waist.

Lily was far too happy to notice.

8

Jessika was sitting on the garden wall when Tuney came out, her expression betraying that she was bored stiff and was about to go if Petunia hadn't come in the next thirty seconds. Jasper, the boy that happened to be a good friend of Jessika's, and now also of Petunia's, was gazing sleepily at a snail on the pavement, mouth slightly slack with tedium. Petunia, for a few seconds, was tempted to slip down a dark alleyway by herself, and not disturb the pair. She knew that Jasper wanted Jessika with all his heart, yet she remained blissfully oblivious. Secretly, Petunia was desperate for them to be together. They were perfect for each other, though a small, spiteful and selfish part constantly reminded her that is they _did_ begin to date then they wouldn't want a third party. That's why, she supposed, she never said anything to Jesk. She didn't want to lose them.

"I'm here!" She called out, making them start with surprise.

"You took your time," Jesk sounded sulky, as she had a right to be, sitting on a garden wall for half an hour. "I wouldn't have waited more than ten minutes for anybody else."

"Nor me," Jasper chimed in, longish brown hair framing his pixie like, Asian-inherited face. "We both love you Tunes."

"Yes. You better." Petunia swung herself up onto the wall, but Jesk had other ideas.

"I don't know why you're making yourself comfortable. We're going back to mine for a girly night in."

Jasper pushed her, slanted eyes momentarily annoyed, but Jesk didn't even wobble. "Come on Jasper. You're practically a girl. You've been one of the gang _forever._"

"Yeah, so? Doesn't mean I've changed sex!"

Jesk gave him a withering look and turned to Tuney. "You wanna?"

Petunia shook her head. "Can't. Sister's just got back, hasn't she? I better stay at home for the first night to 'welcome her home'." She gave a bitter smile. Jesk gave an understanding smirk, knowing the score, but Jasper laughed.

"Your sister is going to be really pretty when she's our age. Only another two years to go." He made an obscene hand gesture in the air. Petunia wanted to slap him.

"Yeah, but right now she's _twelve_ okay? Besides, she has that… Snape."

"Nah." Jasper brushed his sweeping fringe from his eyes and jumped off the wall. "He likes _her_ all right, but she just wants to be friends." He stared very hard at Jesk, and Petunia tried hard not to cough with discomfort.

"Actually," Petunia said lightly, wincing for Jasper as yet another hint went unnoticed. "I think I will come along. Lily doesn't need me."

"That's more like it!" Jesk gave a grin, then for good measure shoved Jasper off the pavement. He fell awkwardly into the road, and for a second looked furious.

"Oi!"

Lighting up a cigarette, Petunia glanced at her house before they went for their usual evening walk to check no one was looking. No, not her parents, but that Snape boy was looking out of the upstairs window, and had his cold eyes planted firmly on her, disgust written across his face. Whatever. He could think what he liked. Giving a sarcastic wave, Petunia linked arms with Jasper and followed Jesk's quick steps.

"Oh, by the way!" Jesk suddenly wheeled round to face her, a knowing beam on her face. "I was going to say. A boy called Vernon in the year above likes you."

"Does he?" Replied Petunia, distracted by her own thoughts. "That's nice."

9

It was nearly the end of the Summer, and Petunia felt like it had been a successful one. Her parents started raving about Lily again? Go out with Jesk. That Snape boy coming over for a visit? Meet up with Jasper. Both happening at the same time? Slip down the private alleyway a few streets away and have a quiet cigarette or three. She was beginning to fall out of love with cigarettes, though. They made her thinner than ever, her eyes dull and hair lacklustre. She could practically see strangers compare her to Lily and think "How…?". When that happened she wanted to shout and scream, but without the safety of Jesk she merely pursed her lips, shoved her nose in the air and walked on, leaving Lily behind. It was so much easier to make a fuss with friends. Unfortunately, both Jesk's and Jasper's parents had decided to take them away for the last week, as a 'treat', and now Tuney was forced to be with Lily twenty-four hours a day, unless she went to the alley. So she stayed in her room, hearing her sister and Snape next door, laughing about something ridiculous. Desperately trying to think of something other than marching in, grabbing that _boy_ and throwing him out of the window, Petunia fixed her mind wanderings on the boy that Jesk said liked her.

Vernon. What was his second name again? Oh yes, that was right. Vernon Dursley. The year above. Hmmm, that was nice. It was pretty flattering to be liked by somebody older, Petunia supposed, although she couldn't conjure up any enthusiasm for him whatsoever. He was a fairly fat, and was well-known for being a bit of a bully. But he too, like her, stood for no nonsense, and always got what he wanted, and was quite clever- well, not _that_ clever, but nobody judges by brains anymore and…stop. It's useless trying to convince yourself you love somebody when you don't. You believe it for the first few weeks, and then- with the feeling of cold porridge being poured over your head- you realised you didn't and never had. Petunia stared up at her ceiling, which was becoming quite a pastime, and wished that she could fancy him and see what having a boyfriend was like. Jesk had already had five, and that was only this year as far as she knew. But Jesk was different. Jesk had _it._ And although Petunia didn't know quite what _it_ was, she knew she possessed none. For the first time, Petunia realised what it was like being quiet old Jasper. He didn't have _it_ either.

"Sev! Can you go and get it? Pleeeeeease!"

"No way! I'm not going in _her_ room!"

"But she's _out_. And it's not like stealing or anything."

"Like I care about stealing off her. And the answer's still no. You go and get it if _you_ want it."

"But I'm comfy! And she's out! She's always out nowadays, with that Japanese boy and chubby girl."

Petunia felt her stomach tighten with rage. Lily never insulted _anyone._ It was the _boy_ that had made her do that.

There was a short silence. Then:

"Oh alright, I'll get it."

Petunia's door swung open, and Snape stood there in his black wizard robes, looking mutinous. Petunia threw a cold glance at him. "Get out."

"Not with your boyfriend?" Snape, velvet voiced, stared around her room with obvious disgust. "Or did he just get sick of you?"

"And what about _your_ girlfriend, Sev?" Petunia asked, voice high pitched with rage. "Oh hold on… it's not _like that,_ is it?"

Snape didn't even blanch but stared at Petunia with his black eyes, and for the first time she felt unnerved. "What do you want?"

"_I _want nothing. Lily would like to borrow your unicorn ornament," He sneered. "Please."

"Ooooh! _Lily_. And why are you wearing _those_?You look more like a _freak_ than ever."

"I'm proud of what I am."

"Are you?" Petunia gave a spiteful scowl. "You're proud of being the scum of the Earth?"

He walked up to her, her form lying on the bed, and reached out a hand. Thinking that he was going to hit her, Tuney flinched, but he only rested a long, pale finger on her cheek. "When I'm of Age," He hissed, voice low and almost animalistic, "I'll kill you."

"Get _off_ me!" Shoving him backwards, she grabbed the ornament and thrust it into his face. "Go!"

He smirked, dark eyes still livid. "Trust me."

10

"Hey Vernon," She had turned her skirt up a few more inches, showing off a large amount of bony thigh. Vernon, a lumbering boy of sixteen, turned, annoyed that he was being interrupted from his friends.

"What?" He looked at Petunia, then saw how short her skirt was, how she was presented, and her even blonder hair than before. "Oh, it's you, Evans."

"Yes." This wasn't going well. So much for him liking her. Thanks a lot Jesk.

To her surprise however, he looked pretty pleased with himself. "I knew you'd come to me. You look…"

_Like a slag_ came into her mind, but she smiled to show that she hoped he would say 'beautiful'. He disappointed her.

"…Adult. You like pizza?"

_Does it look like I like pizza? _"Yes."

"Tonight then. For a pizza, at eight. I know where you live. We'll walk from yours."

"Sure." She turned away, careful not to look too disenchanted with her future date. Jesk and Jasper waved merrily, having seen the whole thing. Jasper gave her a thumbs up and stuck his tongue out.

She felt sick.

As she walked away, she could hear the high fives and someone whisper very clearly: "She'll be easy."

11

Two years later

She wasn't easy, and now she was sixteen, Vern almost eighteen. Lily of course was now an 'adult' fourteen years old, and the developments showed it. She was gorgeous, and Petunia hated the way Vernon would stare when she entered the room. She managed to make a joke out of it of course: "You'll get done you know. Pervert." But it always came out much more bitterly than intended. Thank God Lily went to that _school._

That _Snape_ had changed too, but not for the better, Petunia noticed with a vicious satisfaction. He was taller, thinner, larger eyed and so pale that his skin looked a translucent white. His hair now hung in the liquorice curtain that it would now do for the next twenty years, and together he and Lily couldn't have been more different. To Petunia's immense pleasure he was also coming to their house less and less, the usual daily visits of the holidays becoming weekly ones. In a strange, and slightly perverse way, Petunia missed seeing his gaunt face darting through the rooms. She now had nobody to fight with when angry, and as a result, the feelings towards her sister had grown considerably worse.

"Will you get out of my way?"

"_Don't worry Petunia, I'd have no greater pleasure." _

She had been caught, not two weeks earlier, in Lily's room. Lily, of course, was out with that Snape, the weekly visit falling on a Tuesday. Despite her restraints, Jasper had finally told Jesk how he felt, and surprised, Jesk had accepted his offer of a relationship. They were always together now, entwined and frizzing with the sexual tension that she and Vernon never shared. Thoroughly feeling like she had the raw end of life, Petunia decided to sneak into Lily's room and search through her precious trunk. She hoped, curious as she was, that she'd find something that would get Lily into trouble. Any illegal 'wizardry' substances, any evidence that she and that Snape boy had been having it off… anything. But most of all… and she hated herself for even admitting it in the privacy of her own head… she wanted to get close to the magic. Wanted to know what it was like to slip on those black robes that symbolised the birth of witchcraft. Wanted to scan her eyes through the thick textbooks, knowing that although she couldn't do the spells and enchantments she knew _of_ them and what to expect.

A kind of hunger filled itself inside her, a longing so strong that she couldn't resist the temptations that lay ahead. She _hated_ magic, loathed it, despised it… and yet would give up anything, Jesk, Jasper, Vernon to own it. Pushing herself off the bed, she half ran, half scurried into Lily's room not even checking for her parents in case they were watching. She'd find that trunk, she'd open it, she'd find all those treasures inside…

The trunk wasn't hidden, as expected, but lay proudly in the corner of the pretty white room, the brown leather gleaming as if recently polished. Without recognising she was holding her breath, Petunia stepped towards it, in a trance, as if in a ritual. Her slim hands began to reach towards the closed lid, scrabbling desperately at the lock she knew wouldn't be shut. Lily was far too proud of her possessions to lock them away. She, like Petunia, would want to study them, to play with them, to gaze at them and realise that she, unlike her sister, had everything at last…

The lid swung open, and Tuney was face to face with a pile of school robes and a glass framed photograph of Lily and _him._ A boy of the same age, handsome with messy hair and glasses had stuck his tongue out behind the Snape boy's back, making an extremely rude hand gesture unknown to either Snape or her sister. It took a full thirty seconds before Petunia realised that the picture was _moving._ With a little shriek she dropped it on the floor, and thankfully the glass didn't splinter. Eyes closed, in an attempt to recapture lost nerves, she gingerly reached for the photograph again, and allowed herself to study it, hands shaking with a nervous adrenaline.

Lily, beautiful, was smiling out of the glass, arm around Snape's shoulders with a casual friendliness. Snape, tall, thin and pale had his usual smirk on his face, eyes not peering through the window-frame, but flickering constantly over to Lily, filled with a hunger and a need that appeared even to the most callous of people as desperate. A skeletal hand kept lifting, as if to stroke Lily's hair, but dropped just as quickly as he lost courage. The cheeky boy in the background continued to make grotesque faces, obviously at Snape, enjoying his time of immature point-scoring. Occasionally he stopped with such a circus, and gave Petunia's sister a very appreciative glace. Petunia felt as if she had been stabbed. For fuck's sake. What was next? A Lily-fucking- Fan Club?

Her pale blue eyes watered as she continued to stare at the photograph, the green of the lawn and the perfect blue of the sky framing Lily's dark red hair with a sweetness that would never justify her dyed blond highlights. This, Petunia realised, was a snap-shot of Lily's life without her, a life with colour and magic and innocent friendship, albeit a little playground bullying. _Not that he doesn't deserve it._ Her own life, no matter how good the weather or perfect the day, would always seem bleak in comparison and for that Petunia resented her sister, resented that Snape, resented that handsome boy in the background. Viciously, she threw the frame against the wall and as it shattered she gave a little laugh. _If only her perfect life would shatter in the same way._

Robes, books, strange sweets that looked repulsive but tasted lovely, more books, some odd 'wizardry' memorabilia that she couldn't work out what was, yet more books. Dispassionately she began to flick through _The Standard Book of Spells Grade Three_, but the attraction was slim as she hadn't got a clue what the hell it was on about. Robes, robes, muggle clothes that needed washing… how many robes did one girl need? A winter cloak, and… there. There it was. A slim long box that encased all that magical power, something that Lily would be useless without, something that if she got her hands on and knew how to work _she_ would be the one that made her parents proud.The wand.

Breath caught in her throat, and fizzing with a sick excitement, Petunia gently pulled up the lid to reveal the empty, velvet lined chasm beneath.

"You never thought she'd leave it in the box, did you?" The scornful voice washed through Petunia like an oily tidal wave. Gasping, she flung the box back into the trunk, and still on her knees turned to face Snape- that horrible Snape boy, who had come so expectedly (although she hated to admit it) into her perfect sister's room.

"My, my," Snape said, sly grin twisted upon his features. "You really must be more foolish than given _ahem_ credit for, muggle." His obvious pleasure at having caught Petunia out was displayed clearly on every inch of his body. The way he stood, the grin, the dark eyes flashing with a scornful delight. Petunia stared up at him, desperate to give a nasty reply, but instead felt merely drained. Without warning, she burst into tears. Snape just watched, grin still fixed glassily in place, but his eyes were now darting to the door.

"Crying Petunia? Dear, dear. You should know that I have no sympathy for such a pathetic weakness. Now Lily-"

"D-d-d-don't tell her!"

"Don't tell her?" Snape arched a thin black eyebrow. "Don't tell the most wonderful person I've ever known that her _horrible sneaking, disgusting excuse for a sister was trying to steal her prize possession??" _

"Please don't!" Petunia didn't even attempt to get to her feet, she felt so pitiable. She dared not look into those penetrating eyes for fear of seeing the obvious; the disgust, the loathing. "I—I just _want_ it all so much. You-you-you don't understand!!"

"I don't think I want to." The voice was cold.

"I want what you have! I want the magic! I want the little part of wonder that both of you possess. I've tried to hate magic. I've tried and I've tried and I've tried but I can't do it! It's in my head and it won't leave me alone! I know that we don't get on and compared to my _sister_," she spat out the words, "I'm nothing. But I loved her for her, and so does everybody else. I feel so neglected, and then when I didn't ever get that magical _bloody _letter…"

"Enough!" The usually silken voice was so sharp that Petunia started and glanced upwards. Snape was standing stock still, paler than usual and his eyes surprisingly wide instead of narrowed in hate. "Enough of this! It's all lies! You're just jealous!"

"Of course I'm jealous!" Her voice was high and strained. "With magic you can get anything you want! You don't know how lucky you are!"

"Anything I want?" Snape looked shocked and then gave a bark of a laugh. "You think I can get anything I _want?_ Do you think I can get my father to love me? Do you think I can get my father and mother to be able to sit in the same room without the fights and the arguments and the screaming? Do you think that because I'm _magic_ that people respect me more? Because I can tell you something Evans, nobody respects me at that school! _No one._ Even with Lily I'm already being thrown aside for better and newer things, although she hasn't yet fallen for that _Potter._" His face twisted into another sneer. "And yes, although there are curses and potions, do you think that magic can make love? _Real, honest love?" _

"I don't know!"

"Of course you don't." Snape glanced down at her contemptuously, then sat down. "So you want to be close to magic? And yet you've created such a barrier between you and your sibling…"

"I can't stand how jealous I am of her!"

"Is this close enough for you?" He was sitting by her now, cold, unloving and unforgiving. "Can you feel the magic in me, Petunia?"

"Get away from me!"

"Anything you want…" Black eyes drilled into her blue ones. "We're more alike than first guessed."

She flinched, angrily, already regretting not jumping to her feet, but his sheer aura was pulling her down. "I'm nothing like you."

"No, I don't suppose you are." He was sitting closer than ever, facing her, oddly terrifying. "But I think, Evans, you've always wanted something a little more than just _magic_ if you see what I mean."

She gasped, breath once again caught up in her throat. "What do you mean? I have as much right to be in Lily's room as you! In fact, get out! Where is she?"

"And sometimes we all have to settle for second best…"

"Get away! Lil-"

He kissed her. She resisted valiantly, but his skeletal hands were strong and held her in place. Soon she was kissing him back, a kiss filled with hatred and anger and passion and forbidden lust that she had held inside her for years but pretended was non-existent as she knew that all he wanted was Lily, Lily, Lily, the same as everybody else. The kiss felt so wrong, and yet she savoured it, finally giving it her all, allowing his magic to wash inside her and give her a true taste of lost liberation. His hand, mid kiss, raked across her cheek, leaving four livid scratch marks, but she didn't care. She had been marked by him, _him, _the person she loathed and wanted more than anybody else.

He pushed her away first, of course he did. "You tell no one."

Without looking at her, he swept from the room.


End file.
